I was talking with one of the college friend as part of one of my favourite activities (in addition to reading, watching sitcom and thinking) over the weekend. We were in the same class and were not that close friend, and not talked much during the college days. Let me call her MS. She is from UP. Like me she has taken studies a bit too seriously but unlike me, she seemed desperate to find 'a suitable match'. I was quite surprised when she told me to let her know if I know any good 'Gujju' boys, as she wants to settle in Gujarat. More surprised because she had an ample time to find a suitable guy during 4 years of the college life. To add to the fact that she belongs to fair sex, we had a distorted boys to girls ratio in college (70 boys to 10 girls :) :) :) ), the odds were really in her favour then. She even jokingly asked me to marry her, which I thought was very very weird. I have had this kind of proposals couple of times before, where the friend feels it is better to marry someone whom you know rather than marry someone whom they don't know, even if you are not in love with this guy.
Anyways, the point of writing this is my sister. She too is feeling the blues for not being married 26 and something now. The boys that have been suggested by relatives are mostly dismissed by either my father or cousin brother for a myriad of reasons, most common being, HE WORKS IN SHARE MARKET. This is not unexpected as most gujjus do like cheap money. My sister does not want to settle in Mumbai, and my parents does not want an NRI. so that makes the things more complicated, as basically if one takes people who are not related to stock market, mumbai and foreign from Gujarati people of our religion, what remains is non-rich people. And thats one of the other criteria for rejecting the prospective groom. Last time I talked with the sister, she was so unhappy for all her friends being already married now, that she was seriously considering marrying the next who-so-ever proposal comes her way.
I have not been too keen on arrange-marriage and its good that my father shares this opinion. Mother also shares the opinion, but with a tag of conditions apply. He/she should be of our caste, should be well-settled, be from a reputible family, etc etc (Its fun to watch her reaction when father tells me it would be ok for him if I wanted to marry some GORI from Europe). But not many parents think so in India, and I have strong dislike for this. (Inspite of the fact that If not for arrange marriages, I think I would be single forever).
Most of the time parents think that their child, would invariably choose the wrong guy/girl (I know examples of love marriages ending terribly only within a year). I have a theory to justify this. In most of the cases, couples who are said to be in love are just so desperate to have a bf/gf, that they fall for for the first guy/girl who smiles to them. Most of the time, what they love is not their partner, but the idea that they are in love. Invariably, the resultant marriages form this 'love being in love' things end up in disaster. And parents, feel it their duty to stop such a thing to happen. What they forget is mostly two outcomes are possible, either the child will go against their will and marry the lover and thus spoiling the parent-child relationship or will listen to them and marry another 'more suitable' candidate and think what if-he/she married the lover instead, thus depriving her of enjoying the husband-wife relationship. The things get worse when the 'suitable' candidate turns out to be not so suitable. I know a couple who belong to a third category, they were in love, followed their parent's wish, married someone else, and are real happy now, but that is very rare.
Personally, I would like to make my choice (even if I have to regret it later, at lest that would be my choice), then regretting not having made my choice.
