Marriages

I was talking with one of the college friend as part of one of my favourite activities (in addition to reading, watching sitcom and thinking) over the weekend. We were in the same class and were not that close friend, and not talked much during the college days. Let me call her MS. She is from UP. Like me she has taken studies a bit too seriously but unlike me, she seemed desperate to find 'a suitable match'. I was quite surprised when she told me to let her know if I know any good 'Gujju' boys, as she wants to settle in Gujarat. More surprised because she had an ample time to find a suitable guy during 4 years of the college life. To add to the fact that she belongs to fair sex, we had a distorted boys to girls ratio in college (70 boys to 10 girls :) :) :) ), the odds were really in her favour then. She even jokingly asked me to marry her, which I thought was very very weird. I have had this kind of proposals couple of times before, where the friend feels it is better to marry someone whom you know rather than marry someone whom they don't know, even if you are not in love with this guy. 

Anyways, the point of writing this is my sister. She too is feeling the blues for not being married 26 and something now. The boys that have been suggested by relatives are mostly dismissed by either my father or cousin brother for a myriad of reasons, most common being, HE WORKS IN SHARE MARKET. This is not unexpected as most gujjus do like cheap money. My sister does not want to settle in Mumbai, and my parents does not want an NRI. so that makes the things more complicated, as basically if one takes people who are not related to stock market, mumbai and foreign from Gujarati people of our religion, what remains is non-rich people. And thats one of the other criteria for rejecting the prospective groom. Last time I talked with the sister, she was so unhappy for all her friends being already married now, that she was seriously considering marrying the next who-so-ever proposal comes her way. 

I have not been too keen on arrange-marriage and its good that my father shares this opinion. Mother also shares the opinion, but with a tag of conditions apply. He/she should be of our caste, should be well-settled, be from a reputible family, etc etc (Its fun to watch her reaction when father tells me it would be ok for him if I wanted to marry some GORI from Europe). But not many parents think so in India, and I have strong dislike for this. (Inspite of the fact that If not for arrange marriages, I think I would be single forever). 

Most of the time parents think that their child, would invariably choose the wrong guy/girl (I know examples of love marriages ending terribly only within a year). I have a theory to justify this. In most of the cases, couples who are said to be in love are just so desperate to have a bf/gf, that they fall for for the first guy/girl who smiles to them. Most of the time, what they love is not their partner, but the idea that they are in love. Invariably, the resultant marriages form this 'love being in love' things end up in disaster. And parents, feel it their duty to stop such a thing to happen. What they forget is mostly two outcomes are possible, either the child will go against their will and marry the lover and thus spoiling the parent-child relationship or will listen to them and marry another 'more suitable' candidate and think what if-he/she married the lover instead, thus depriving her of enjoying the husband-wife relationship. The things get worse when the 'suitable' candidate turns out to be not so suitable. I know a couple who belong to a third category, they were in love, followed their parent's wish, married someone else, and are real happy now, but that is very rare.  

Personally, I would like to make my choice (even if I have to regret it later, at lest that would be my choice), then regretting not having made my choice.

On love

Seeing all the people around me in love, made me think if I was ever going to be in one. Will I ever experience the feeling where I would like to think about nothing but someone special. Will I have a chance to have someone who could make my day brighter, merely by a smile ?

I have liked some girls, but than have been too shy to talk with them. Whom I have talked, have invariably helped me to exhaust any desire to have a life-partner. Many of my friends fell in love with the class mates and are happily married now. I was kind of love-guru in college, putting knowledge from the novels into some usefulness. I know its not difficult to get a girl to like you, if she just knows that you like her and care for her. Girls mind might be most difficult to understand, but they are most simple when comes to love. I too liked couple of girls in college. But could not talk with them.  Moreover I have this idea that making a girl fall in love is not right. Love should just happen. If one has to go through all the rigours of showing it, then perhaps its not actually there. May be I should have been better off dropping that idea and taking the advice which i give to all the friends: just show her that you like her and care for her. She'll be yours forever. 

I have not been able to understand my mind, and to hope to find someone else of opposite sex who could, is  in itself a daunting task. Still, the idea of having someone to talk with is nice, only if the partner is worth talking. Analyzing the persons whom I have been attracted to in past, I wanted to draw a list of minimum things which I expect in the partner, The list reads as follows,

1. Education: I do not have any special requirement for the education, but she has to be intelligent (Only thing I hope is she should be able to understand English). One does not need to be educated for being intelligent and vice-versa.  My idea of love has been mostly associated with a great mind/character, rather than looks/body. 

2. Nature. I could be intolerable sometimes (actually many a times). So she should be able to deal with it (I know thats a lot to ask for). Should be open to joint family.  Alternatively, I too should be able to tolerate her, despite of the things which I would not like about her (I do not believe in perfect person). She should be a worthy friend. Not too religious. 

3. I have always had a feeling that most of the girls have a very good sense of right and wrong. Hope to have that in the special one too, to keep me from doing something wrong.

4. She should have some hobby (I often wonder how people live without hobbies), be that reading, writing, watching movies, tv, dancing or anything. But should have one.

5. Looks. Dont know what to expect. I am no Gregery Peck myself, but would like to have some one with brown/dark skin ( am i being racist ?). I like Kajol and Vidhya Balan over Katrina.

6. Family: Oops..dont know either. Would ideally like to marry a rich princess who is the only daughter. So, that I do not have to work  and can enjoy my non-paying hobbies :P.

Well well, the list turned out to be quite short with not very specific ideas. Perhaps, I am not sure about what I want (just got the thought that i should also make a list of things which I have to offer, but that some other time), but hope when the right person comes along, I have sense to recognise her and courage/ability to make her fall for me. Only thing I hope is I do not select someone not-right for me out of desperation.  I would prefer to be alone for the life, rather then ending up with the wrong person (non-compatible should be the better word).  My friends have often told me that in love, mind and intelligence do not matter. But to me they seem to be the most important part, the only part which I can still love when we are old and physical beauty is no more there. 

I hope to fall in love with some worthy  mind and prove that intelligent-love is not just another oxymoron.