Kishore Kumar-Aane wala pal...

Just read on NDTV that yesterday (4th Aug) was Kishore kumar's bday. Wanted to share one of my fav songs which was song by him for a movie called Golmaal (btw this is one of my fav movie too - love soft comedies by Hrishikesh Mukherjee). This is one of my favorite hindi song.

Happy birthday

Today its birthday of one of my favorite actress- Kajol.

During my school days, I was mad about her. Her being Benali had a bit to do with it too (I have had soft corners for Bengali after I read Satyajit Ray and Tarashankar). I was really sad when heard about her marriage. But, now that she has been happily married, my respect for her has increased. Heres to the great one. Happy birthday Kajol.

Hard times

These are hard times for me. Wish college friends were here to share thoughts.

Astrology and religion (or should I write Religion)

I am not a big fan of astrology unlike my father. Last time I visited India (or should I say first time), we had discussion about it. It started with my sister insisting on getting some prediction form her friend's astrologer. My father knows a bit of astrology himself (actually, he knows a bit of everything). So we started discussing about the astrology. I have had doubts about it. The primary concerns are due to fact that how could different techniques, like hast-rekha, sun signs, moon signs, lead to the predictions. Is it not too obvious that this many solutions to a complex problem, is not possible.

         

My second concern was that how come some of the techniques allow for the solutions of the problem. I mean, some of the so-called astrologers, predict that you have some bad omen waiting for you and also recommend the cure for it. Is it not a paradox in itself ? If he is wrong, then ok. But, if he is true and you are about to face the bad omen and somehow change it by worshiping some deity, the prediction he made is not right. To me, its comparable to time travel in past, where you could kill your grand parents. Then the question is, how is ones present existence possible ?

My third question was about the diffrences in the prediction made by different persons using the same technique for e.g., moon-sign. How could they differ so much.

And lastly, if the predictions are true, then all the persons born at same time should have the same future. My question then was, why don't we have multiple Dhirubhai(s), or Gandhiji(s). In other words, we should be able to divide all the rich people of the world in different groups, with a single group having people born on same time (Yes, it's too much of logic!!!). 

Now heres is the some of the counter arguments made by my 'Popsy'. I would write them according to the points mentioned above.

1. All the different techniques are based on the similar science. Its comparable to a mathematics problem, solved in multiple ways (as I do not have much detailed knowledge about different techniques, I could not discuss more with him on this topic)

2. Most of the people offering solutions are crook (so no more dicsussion here too).

3. For this question, his reply was that most people consider the time of birth as the actual time of birth, where as it should be calculated as nine months from time of conceiving baby. Also, many people use some of the different methods for calculations, leading to differences in prediction.

4. Now this was interesting. Two counter-arguments proposed by him were, most of the people although thought to be born at same time, they are not. There is minor difference in the time of birth. Secondly, astrology only predicts the future in non-absolute terms, i.e. it can only say if one would be happy or rich or have a good married life. It can not predict the absolute value, i.e. how much money he would have. Here he gave me a good example his astrologer guru (whose name, I am not able to remember now). He was  very poor. His wife was mad and so was his son. But then there was a astrologer of same name living in banglore, who was also supposed to be born on the similar time. Interestingly, they both had same name for their house. Also he too had a mad wife and mad son. 

After, all this discussion, I am still not convinced to believe in astrology. Up-till in college in India, I never gave importance to predictions. But now, when my future is full of uncertainties, I was just trying on internet to see how my future looks there :-). Is it not the lack of confidence that leads you to believe in non-logical things ? I think astrology and religion were invented by some very wise person(s) as a psychological cure for people to overcome the difficult times. But again, I can not comment on them with authority with the meager reading on the subject(s). 

Some of the predictions I got today, were not-consistent with my natuare, while some were. But can not forget what my popsy told me, about me. According to him, my laziness has the astrological basis. NO doubt that I have not been able to overcome it !!!

Superstition is to religion what astrology is to astronomy; the mad daughter of a wise mother - Voltaire

Hangover

Today I woke up with the worst hangover in life. One of the friend has got a job and was leaving today. So we had a party. As always I did not take hard liquor initially and stuck to beer and wine. But later, lost control over what I was drinking and ended up with Vodka. Leading to a fall in bathroom and several other falls which my mind does not remember, but body does. The pain is quite awful. And to add to it, the headache. However the fun at night was a lot, thats what my friends tell me, as I don't remember much after having Vodka.

Last time I drank so much was probably in Jan, 2009. Think this was due. But have again decided not to go with hard liquor again.

After note:
I was thinking why I feel so bad after drinking. Perhaps because I consider my brain as the most important part of me, which I am very proud of; and drinking shows how easy it is for me to loose control over it.

On love

Seeing all the people around me in love, made me think if I was ever going to be in one. Will I ever experience the feeling where I would like to think about nothing but someone special. Will I have a chance to have someone who could make my day brighter, merely by a smile ?

I have liked some girls, but than have been too shy to talk with them. Whom I have talked, have invariably helped me to exhaust any desire to have a life-partner. Many of my friends fell in love with the class mates and are happily married now. I was kind of love-guru in college, putting knowledge from the novels into some usefulness. I know its not difficult to get a girl to like you, if she just knows that you like her and care for her. Girls mind might be most difficult to understand, but they are most simple when comes to love. I too liked couple of girls in college. But could not talk with them.  Moreover I have this idea that making a girl fall in love is not right. Love should just happen. If one has to go through all the rigours of showing it, then perhaps its not actually there. May be I should have been better off dropping that idea and taking the advice which i give to all the friends: just show her that you like her and care for her. She'll be yours forever. 

I have not been able to understand my mind, and to hope to find someone else of opposite sex who could, is  in itself a daunting task. Still, the idea of having someone to talk with is nice, only if the partner is worth talking. Analyzing the persons whom I have been attracted to in past, I wanted to draw a list of minimum things which I expect in the partner, The list reads as follows,

1. Education: I do not have any special requirement for the education, but she has to be intelligent (Only thing I hope is she should be able to understand English). One does not need to be educated for being intelligent and vice-versa.  My idea of love has been mostly associated with a great mind/character, rather than looks/body. 

2. Nature. I could be intolerable sometimes (actually many a times). So she should be able to deal with it (I know thats a lot to ask for). Should be open to joint family.  Alternatively, I too should be able to tolerate her, despite of the things which I would not like about her (I do not believe in perfect person). She should be a worthy friend. Not too religious. 

3. I have always had a feeling that most of the girls have a very good sense of right and wrong. Hope to have that in the special one too, to keep me from doing something wrong.

4. She should have some hobby (I often wonder how people live without hobbies), be that reading, writing, watching movies, tv, dancing or anything. But should have one.

5. Looks. Dont know what to expect. I am no Gregery Peck myself, but would like to have some one with brown/dark skin ( am i being racist ?). I like Kajol and Vidhya Balan over Katrina.

6. Family: Oops..dont know either. Would ideally like to marry a rich princess who is the only daughter. So, that I do not have to work  and can enjoy my non-paying hobbies :P.

Well well, the list turned out to be quite short with not very specific ideas. Perhaps, I am not sure about what I want (just got the thought that i should also make a list of things which I have to offer, but that some other time), but hope when the right person comes along, I have sense to recognise her and courage/ability to make her fall for me. Only thing I hope is I do not select someone not-right for me out of desperation.  I would prefer to be alone for the life, rather then ending up with the wrong person (non-compatible should be the better word).  My friends have often told me that in love, mind and intelligence do not matter. But to me they seem to be the most important part, the only part which I can still love when we are old and physical beauty is no more there. 

I hope to fall in love with some worthy  mind and prove that intelligent-love is not just another oxymoron. 

You are so beautiful....to me..

Liked this song very much. Every time I hear it, I remember Miss M working in my department. She really is preety. The problem is, none of the my friends over here like the song, and none of my colleges in the department agree with me about Miss M.

I liked the voice of Joe Cocker, even though not the most smooth voice. Heard the same song sund by others, but didnt like that much. Loved his gestures with hand while singing too.

No Dr. for my name..

Finally I have replied to the professor and declined the PhD offer. Now what ?

To kill a mocking bird...

Just read on yahoo home page that today is the golden jubilee of the publication of one of my favourite book, To kill a mocking bird, by Harper Lee.

It is set during the civil rights movement in America. The 'Hero' of the book is a lawyer of a small town, Mr. Atticus Finch. Who is a single parent of two children,  Scout and Jem. The story is told by the little girl, Scout.  Atticus is a man of principle and is appointed to defend a black man, who is charged with the molesting of a white woman. Later the book was made in to a movie by the same name, which won Gregory Peck (the original Dev Anand, and one of my fav actors) the Oscar for best actor in lead character (its one of the rare books, whose movie adaptation was equally good, but again, I haven't seen many such movies).

What I liked most about the book was the character of Atticus (I hope to be like him some day!!!). In the entire book, Atticus rarely speaks with anger and never hits anyone. He does not do any stuff which a hero is used to do. But still, his character grows on you, primarily with his conduct. I also liked how the innocent children show maturity as the book progresses. What was also touching to me was how Jem and Scout have their respect for Atticus grow during sort period of time (isnt to be respected and loved by innocence the greatest stamp of success ?) is . It was while reading this book that I realized that in the end, what matters is how the people whom you work with and your family see you.

I remember how much pain I took to find this book. As such, getting a English book was difficult in Gujarat. My college library had only two stacks of english novels, and most of them were in multiple copies, so effectively not many titles. Hence I tried to read this book on computer, which I hated and gave up. I finally found the book in Delhi, when we were on college tour. On seeing this book I was so excited that my friend K. thought I was either too much drunk or gone insane. The bad luck dosent end here. I was reading book while coming back to Gujarat. Even thought we were travelling by college bus, it was similar to state transport vehicle. I had put the book on the upper shelf while talking with friends and someone was trying to see it and it slips through the upper shelf and fell out of window. So, I was left without reading the ending for a long long time. Finally I found a copy of the book in ahemdabad crossword and was able to read it completely. But man, it was worth the wait.

If you are planning to read the book, don't read this paragraph. After reading the book I felt what if Atticus had won the case. Would book have been such a huge success then. Some how i have a feeling that people even though remember the great successes, the great failures are also quite remembered and treasured by them, albeit more dearly.

Mind your language...

I used to watch and enjoy Pankaj Kapoor's Jaban Sambhal ke. Read about the original Mind your language and watched it. Found it hilarious. Should add that this is the one and only sitcom recommended by me that    my friends over here found good (my choice is not considered good, no wonder, I am so nervous right now making choice abt my future). Anyways, here is the link to the first episode on youtube.

I liked the character played by Pakistani guy...

no IDEA

Have no idea where life is headed. I am thinking of responding to my Prof offer of doing PhD. But not sure what to tell him. I would like to say no, but have no no no no no idea, what will I do after that. I feel like a HANGED computer processor, trying to process to much information at a time, and as a result, showing error and not responding.

I had this idea when I was around 19, that by the time I complete college and m done with first couple of years of job, I would have earned so much that I would not have to work any more. The problem is, studying till the age of 27 was not included in the plan. And its difficult to digest things which are stupid.

Also, whenever I call friends in India, I firstly realize I miss them like hell. And secondly, I also realize that I am one of the 3 friends left who haven't got married/engaged. Since I always thought the other two were kind of weird, I find it difficult to enjoy their company. Also, I have concluded that men does require a company of nice women, be it mother, sister, friend or a  girl friend to stay sane. The problem is I am not sure, what nice means to me right now !

Like this song

Since one of my college mate posted this song on facebook, I have been slowly getting addicted to it. 

Prepratory love letter

I am now pretty sure that I would not be able to find a cupid who will be gracious enough to target for me the lady by whom I have been targeted. But, I could not keep the lover inside me to stop wondering in thoughts. One of thoughts, which I found nicer, is below. I hope to find a be-fitting 'model' for it soon.

How I wished I had someone with whom I could talk in silence

How I wished I had someone whom I could enjoy my sorrows

How I wished I had someone who made me belive in love

now that I have met you,  I wish that person was you

After thought: I just realized that my blog requires some colours, especially since its summer here, the missing colours seem so obvious.

Just some thoughts, full of contradictions..

Today in very sad mood. Have been thinking about the life ahead and it gives me a head-ache. So not sure about it, so not know whats next. No doubt, It would have made a really nice suspense novel, but in life its hard to live up with secrets. My professor is sure that I would make a good PhD student. He even told me I was better than most of the idiots in their third of year of PhD (i was so flattered, badly needed that ego boost). But still I am not sure of doing a one. I do not think I have patience and ability to work hard, that doctorate requires. And that too study for 4-5 years more.......!!! Its kind of strange that I might have to take up a career that I do not like. At this moment I so much hate people who are so sure about what they want to do with their life, particularly Howard Roarks character in the fountainhead. (at this point, i just remembered lyrics from one of my fav songs, the sunscreen song, how much I would like to believe in the line the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t). The question is if not PhD, then what. And thats the problem. I have so many options if not PhD. I am sure I would be able to find a nice job in India (I never thought i could be a good employee, but from the response that I got from my supervisor here and the employeer back in India, I think I could make a good employee). And then there is always joining the Popsys business. Or else, as the friends have been contemplating, starting our own.

Options makes us confused. Watched somewhere on TED.com a video where experiments suggested that people who have more options in life are the one who tend to be more un-happy in life. And thats what I am. I try to close the eyes and think, what is really that I want to do in life. And after hours of mind-maddening thinking, I have reached the conclusion that basically I want to do nothing. I do not want to work or study. Life would be so much fun, just watching movies, documentaries I like, reading books, listening to music, travelling (and if I may add, drinking wine). Thats what I want to do and I am not sure if I could afford it. Have this stupid bollywood idea that I should just marry (now thats one of the other things I do not wish to do, but still) a rich girl and try to live off her money. But on second though, I attained my senses and realized that it will, most probably, turn out an expensive bargain for me. While I am on that topic, just wanted to put it down officially that I have not been able to maintain prolong interest (more than 2 weeks) in any of the girls. When I look around and see others in relationship or married, I reach the conclusion either there is something terribly wrong with me or with them all. And since in democracy its not right or worng which matters, but the opinion of majority, I conclude its me. Have had four crushes/one- sided love (???) affairs in life. They were each at different stages. In school, it was Miss A. Mrs, now. In undergraduate miss S.S., married to a then friend (long story, and probably not that interesting, should skip it now), in masters in India, Miss C. still single. And here in Europe a videshi girl, Miss M, who is in a relationship. Only expressed my wish to Miss S.S. and it turned out not so good. Since then have played the role of Mentor to all the lovers in college. (was even thinking of writing a book entitled what not to do in Love). To think of it, I realize they were/are just crushes. I have not exchanged more than double digit conversations with any of them, and perhaps that the secret that my crush on them never faded. Had I started talking, god knows, it would have just taken two weeks of intense talking for my mind to have got better of my crush. Or atlest, I hope so.

I was just thinking if the things what we like/choose, makes us or it is the other way around. Is the person defined by the things he likes or the things which are liked by him defines him. Like most of these kind of questions, there is no absolute and right answer to this. Neither black, nor white, but somewhere grey. The life right now is so full of contradictions and the irony is I like logic.

Hopelessly missing

Today was the marriage of one of my friend in India. Most of the friends were there to attend the wedding. I called them and started to feel the blue. Not able to make up my mind if it is India that I am missing or my college friends and the family members.

Yesterday the attempt to complete the report failed miserably (again !!). Spend the most of time reading the blog of Indian girl and trying to pin-point her in the vast ocean of internet (again, failed). Then started chatting and watched The big bang theory (man I am awesome at finding ways to procrastinate).

The eye infection is getting better, but the eye still seems a bit swollen. In spite of infection went to lab, to check and water the plants. One of the double mutant seems to be wrong. I have so few seeds, don't want to start it all over again. Hope I find the right one after genotyping.

Gave some stranger my number on orkut. Turns out he knows me from the time I used to teach GRE-GMAT-SAT maths. Got a call from him today and already started regretting my giving him the number. He is going to give my number to his friend, whose friend is coming to my city. Though the talk was uninteresting, it was so good to talk in my mother language with someone. I guess that too is partly responsible for my home-sickness.

Have a hectic week ahead. Lets hope it passes by quickly, as the culture night awaits us this weekend. By that time, my friend S would also return from India.

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant - Variously attributed to Alan Grenspan and Robert McCloskey amongst others.

Finally summer..

Finally summer is here. Its so bright and beautiful outside. And here I am still working on my last summers report :(. I wish I was not this lethargic (now it also shows on the number of posts i have on my blogger account), but now I know the reason for my being so lazy, its there in my astrological birth chart (Really, Popsy told me so). The worst part is, I got paid to do the report and I have not submitted it yet.

Anyways, since summer is here, its going to be some party time. Last night, there was party on the ground besides my student corridor. Its so much fun to see drunk guys and girls (especially girls). I need to increase my tolerence level to alcohol though. Just couple of beers and I am full 'TALLI'. Not good, but then I dont have to spent much on alcohol. I was with J, as S is visiting India. Meet this pakistani guy, who was just sitting on the edge of ground. We started chatting and on being asked why he was not dancing, he gave an interesting reply. He said as he came from a third world country like pakistan, it was difficult for him to get used to the western culture, but for us (me and J), it was easy as we came from first world country !!! (I guess he had not noticed that I too was not dancing). Looking forward to the big party on the 28-29th of this month (I am not going to add that I am going to try to find either a gf or a hook-up, as I have finally taken for granted that I lack the ability to woo (and tolerate too) the fair sex). Sometimes think of making a movie out of my disastrous love (and sex implied) life. Perhaps making a sitcom is a better idea.

Have been so much procastinating on writing the report (8 months !!!, no doubt, i was in india for 3 months of that period, but still). I am not sure it its my lazyness or put words in order that is pulling me back. As such I have read more than the PhD student who is working on the topic (no bluffing here), but just dont want to write it.

Now coming to the world cup...Now a days i am not annoyed at the our losses. I dont know what has changed for me. Perpahs I have lost interest in them. Perhaps Since I do not spend time watching them anymore, I am less bothered by the outcome.

Have started watching Frasier again. Love Niles Krane's character. Also started waching The Big bang theory. Its ok. Good for killing time. Nothing special.

Just want to do away with the report now. Then have to gather the courage to meet the researcher. I hope he would be atleast happy to find that I have atlast completed the report.

Afternote:

Got a swollen right eye, probably from watching all the pretty girls yesterday (perhaps right one was more active in watching). And its paining. What more, cant wear my contacts today...

Cogito Ergo Sum (I think, therefore I am)- Rene Descartes

One more attempt...

Here I am, trying to test my resolution one more time. Don't know how many attempts I have made to write a diary/blogs and have failed. Was running through some of the random blogs, when I found one by Indian Girl, which has just re-ignited the desire to express my thoughts(Though I still doubt if shes a girl). Taking a leaf out of her book, I have decided to be 'Agyat' or annonymous.

I am badly missing my hostel days of India. Life was so cool back then. No-worries and was so sure about what I wanted to do in life. 2.5 years from that lovely college life, so far from India, and life is so uncertain right now for me. I don't know what possessed me to come here and start working in life sciences, when I knew I do not like research much. Must have been my idiotic dreamy mind, taking over my rationale.

I wish I would have waited a bit more and taken up MBA. But then again. Was not ready to pay such high fees. And so landed in science, where one gets scholarships.

Half way through my first post, and I already realized, its not easy to express myself. I have always been bad in communication, but have been good in languages (at lest my teachers thoughts so, and my grades reflected it).

Just watched Seinfield episode. Was good. But nothing beats Frasier. I love SATIRE. Perhaps thats the reason Chandler was my favourite character in Friends.

Want to watch Simpsons. But looking into my habits and obsession when I like a sitcom, I should perhaps wait untill i am done with my masters thesis.